Archive for August, 2005

Shutup! You’re Only Discombobulating Me!

Wednesday, August 31st, 2005

OFFICE OBSERVATIONS

Being a huge (obese, even) fan of The Office has enormous benefits outside of just watching, quoting and watching again. The irritating, tedious, unbearable, mundane and, yes, even the banal moments can become surreal Office DVD bonus deleted scenes.* Almost three months into my first office job I still find myself enjoying private smirks as my colleagues serve up some Office gold.

Employee 1 (foreign, with accent) wearing an hilarious combo of (a) off-white dinner jacket, (b) a wine and white striped casual shirt and (c) blood-red slacks: So, [employee name], what do you think? (gestures at clothes, stands proudly)

Employee 2: (Looks up from desk) Erm… Honestly?

Employee 1: (In that tension-inducing aggressive-through-humour tone) You know what? You Irish have no sense of style! Every time I buy something new it’s always the same, all the smart comments…

Later that day

Employee 1 (perched on Employee 3’s desk and speaking in a quiet tone, almost confiding) to 3: All the jokes I had to put up with today! You think I look the part, right?

Employee 3: No [employee name], yeah… I think you look very smart. You look very well.

Employee 1: Thank you, I knew you had taste. You’re a nice guy. Today. (Fakes a laugh and exits)

Employee 4: He looks like one of the Lyons Tea men!

Employee 3 laughs, along with everyone in earshot.

*As long as you’ve been a fan of the show before you’ve worked in one. Otherwise watching The Office causes you to become all irritable and grouchy like a baby with a soiled nappy, like my good friend Ann-Dee. He’s always soiling his nappy.

BEAUTIFUL AND MELLOW

M and I went to see Pinky in Anseo Monday night and boy was that a good idea. Before Monday I was an Anseo virgin so was delighted to find the atmosphere laid-back, the music at that perfect volume (i.e. you can hear yourself, your friends and the music perfectly- no effort necessary), and admission free. He’s a resident performer there and his set was divided 50/50 between performance of his own stuff and spinning a few CDs. His voice is so strikingly different and the CDs in his set were straight off my own shelf! I never thought I’d hear Arrow Through Me in town! I legged it to get the last bus just as that sassy brass tag was kicking in. Mm-mmm.

Did you guys know that this existed? Why did no-one tell me?!

Oh. How rude of me.

stigmund – Says It With Flowers

Messages Of A Textually Explicit Nature

Sunday, August 28th, 2005

CURRENTLY IN MY MOBILE PHONE INBOX:

A mountain of poo is too much for one man. Now I know why God portions it into little packages and why he lives on a poo plantation in Hawaii.

I am watching you you queer-bashing homo.

I know. They’re all so hot it makes me wanna go in there and borrow and return books all day long!

I told it to a few people here. Now I have no friends in work. Cheers.

Oh I’ll try to find my way you roast beef!

I really shouldn’t be watching this.

That is the most disgusting thing you’ve ever said. Truly. Well done.

Yep. She’s a freak.

Dear Stigmund, as a trained medical doctor, it is my professional opinion that you smell, and are gay. And you have rabies. Hard luck.

BABOON BABOON BABOON!

That was completely out of line. I can’t stop crying. Thanks for ruining what had been, til now, the best day of my entire life.

Hehe, I’m on the deadly bus! Granny me arse!


stigmund
– The Difference Is, He’s Irish

One Sweet Dream Came True Today

Sunday, August 28th, 2005

Well, despite reading this and this, I was spurred on by my gross intolerance for this soi disant lovely-bottomed lady, and did the unthinkable: I started a b**g. Welcome.

You know you’re in for one memorable summer when you’re told at your new job you’ll be “replacing a machine that broke down a while ago”. And how.

I felt my sister’s pet foetus kicking the other day; a very life-affirming moment. However, C then turned the moment sour when she revealed her plan to eject the foetus from its home in about 3 weeks. My family were just getting used to the idea of her keeping a foetus inside herself and now this. We’re all understandably confused.

My brother L is back from his trip to Greece. He was working as a kamikaze. Apparently, it’s a pretty easy job to get over there.

I watched a pretty cool movie today with some ‘friends’. If you’re like me and love your ‘drink-driving infant’ scenes, then this one’s for you. I’ll resist elaboration because, as the old saying goes, blog movie reviews are the pits.

So anyway, with my current job fizzling out like a damp banger I’ve been on the look-out for something new. Fingers crossed.

stigmund – A Triflin’ Good For Nothin’ Type o’ Brother