The Lame Game


Saw Samantha Mumba wandering around Jervis Street Shopping Centre. Even stranger looking in real life.

Brian Dobson presented me with a prize at our school prizegiving.

My job as a waiter often gave me some up-close experiences with The Famed. I have served (and not spilled) :

Brian O’Driscoll, Mary McAleese, Niall Quinn, DJ Carey, David Norris, Marian “he’s absolutely gorgeous!” Finucane, Mary Harney, Dick Spring, Desmond Tutu and Mary Robinson.

I stalked stick insect MTV presenter/model Donna Air down Grafton Street.

I met Fabian Barthez and Dwight Yorke (during their United days) at Sosume* on George’s St, Dublin.

Laughed at Louis Walsh on Dame St.

I met and spoke with England international footballer John Barnes, Irish international Phil Babb, and England reject David James when I was about 9. I remember irritating the hell out of James as he had this bleached blonde afro hairstyle that just screamed out for a vigorous rubbing. Which I provided. He kept suggesting, “why don’t you go talk to Johnnie (Barnes)?” Cos he hasn’t got fur for hair, you dolt! *rub rub*

*now The Dragon. And a gay bar. I wonder if they still call in.


Family friends of ours were best buddies with U2 in their Mount Temple days- Larry Mullen even went to their wedding!

A friend of my parents’ recently interviewed Bill Clinton. He told us he was surprisingly boring in real life. (“Well, I’m a pretty lousy president”)

My dad palled around with Brian Kerr back in the day. He even recognised my dad at a Shelbourne match a couple of years ago! I confess, I was impressed.

A few friends of mine sang backing vocals for The Cranberries on their ‘To the Faithful Departed’ album.

My mam was head girl in secondary school and got Thin Lizzy to play at her end of year school dance.

stigmund did not have sexual relations with that woman

3 Responses to “The Lame Game”

  1. Zoomody says:

    I once raced Samantha Mumba at a cross-country meet. She beat me. I knew even then that she would star in a big-money Dreamworks flop.

    Even I was weirded out by my prescience when Time Machine’s opening weekend came back with an underwhelming $25.67.

    I saw her in Jervis St Shopping Centre years later but she didn’t recognise me and frankly I thought her rude in how she reacted to my challenge, “Throw down bitch. Lets rematch mofo!”

    Terrified of losing, I’d imagine.

  2. “The Dragon” is a fucking hilarious name. Particular if they are going for some sort of “Enter the Dragon” pun/euphamism/train-crash.

  3. stigmund says:

    Let’s say they are.

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