Foolproof…I Wish I Was

My brother works in a secondary school and he overheard this conversation yesterday:

TEACHER: Richard, would you ever get involved in voluntary work?

RICHARD: If I had to.

KEBABS AND FRUITLOOPS

Enjoying a kebab yesterday in George’s Street’s Sultan my eye caught an elderly guy a few booths in front of me who was laughing to himself. Before he got up to leave he began shouting to the rest of the people there, “love is blind!”. He repeated it a couple more times before he got up and then, eyeballing the guy beind the counter asked, “is love blind?” Before he had a chance to respond (I’m pretty sure he didn’t know the answer), the guy shouted (with much finger-pointing) “love IS blind!” and clattered into the glass front, missing the door.

This website is mind-blowing and not just because it uses the brilliant phrase “Pillars of Creation in a Star-forming Region”.

YOU WANNA PIZZA ME?!

I enjoy listening to people’s dreams as little as the next person but, gosh darn it, if I can’t be self-obsessed here, where can I?…be?…self-obsessed?

So the first dream last night (yes, there are several) involved me watching a shock documentary where it was revealed that JUDGE JUDY WAS NOT A JUDGE! AND HER NAME WAS NOT JUDY! She was simply the winner of a reality TV show (previously unaired) where women competed to become the lippy judge we all know and love on Judge Judy! The winner seemed a lot younger than the character she was going to play (all would be changed with make-up, of course) and even her accent was different! It was not pleasant. I woke up in a sweat, repeating the words, “real cases. Real people. Real cases. Real people.”

The second was only a few seconds long but it was unforgettable. It simply involved Maddox and Mimi introducing themselves to each other. I couldn’t hear what they were saying but it was enough. Maddox! And Mimi! In the same room!

This dream sequence ended with the camera panning back from my current dream* to me watching the ‘Judge Judy Revealed’ show again and eating some fantastic pizza. All the best dreams end with a gratuitous ‘Stigmund Eating Pizza’ scene.

*Does that happen to anyone else? When I begin waking up my First Person Vision in my dream becomes Third Person and backs out until I’m fully awake and the dream becomes something to look back on from an awake state.

My sister just texted me to say that The Fetus kept her up all night “jumping and bouncing on my bladder”. Cheeky little runt. Girl, he has got to go.

stigmund dares you to come over here and say that

3 Responses to “Foolproof…I Wish I Was”

  1. Zoomflake says:

    You know what I hate? When people write on the internet about dreams. Why can’t you “bloggers” look outside yourselves once in a while instead of always sharing YOUR opinion and YOUR experiences and YOUR sexual escapades.

    What I’m saying here Stigmund is that if you don’t start “blogging” about “current affairs” that baby will never be born. A ranting man from a kebab shop told me in a dream.

  2. stigmund says:

    Did you hear what Dubious News Source said about Social Issue?

    That’ll show those people at Organisation Responsible what the Group Effected really think.

    Happy?

Leave a Reply