X-RATED Messages Of A Textually Explicit Nature

CURRENTLY IN MY MOBILE PHONE INBOX:

I just threw up a little in my mouth. I’m saving it for you though.

Man, jalepinos burn as much on the way out as they do on the way in. More so, even.

If you were a flavour of vomit it’d be toothpaste and orange juice. Bottoms up!

Never heard of her. She’s probably an asshole.

If I vomit poo it’s only because you make me nervous. Shut up! Pigboy.

WHEN SHE’S NOT RAGING DRUNK, NEURO SOMETIMES TEXTS ME. THE FOLLOWING IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN I TEXT BACK.

STIGMUND AND NEURO: A CHAT

neuro: The police said your poo is in prison.

stigmund: The priest is here. He’s performing an exorcism on my poo. It’s horrific.

neuro: Terrific eh? Your poo is terrific? That’s not what the doctor OR paraplegic policeman said. And the paramedic died of poo poisoning. The funeral is up your hole.

stigmund: Will you sing at it? We were thinking, ‘Everything I Poo, I Poo if for You’, ‘I’ll be Missing Poo’ or ‘Happiness is a Warm Poo’.

neuro: Well, I wouldn’t be a hundred per cent sure. The police said thanks for the poo. Goodnight, you filthy thing, it was short but squishy, bits of corn in it.

AND SOMETIMES NEURO WRITES ME POEMS AND TEXTS THEM TO ME:

There once was a fellow called Stig
Who cavorted each day in a wig
His curls brought such joy
To each girl and each boy
That he gleefully swallowed a twig!

The twig was so tasty he cheered
And promptly began growing a beard
The beard was no fun
(Mere fluff of the bum)
And would not behave
(As was feared).

Stigmund didn’t know what to do
So he snuck off and had a quick poo
He had a brainwave
(The day would be saved!)
And stuck pubes to his face with some glue.

stigmund has no faith in medicine

One Response to “X-RATED Messages Of A Textually Explicit Nature”

  1. Gladys Justice says:

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