The Pus-drinking Inbreds Are Revolting

So I gradumulated last Saturday. An enjoyable and slightly surreal day. There are certain circumstances in life that, without you knowing beforehand, TV and movies have prepared you for.* They have a convenient knack of making brand new experiences seem quite familiar. Among others, it happened with my first wedding (well, not mine), my first time in the U.S. (the thrilling sensation of being on a giant film set) and my first funeral (I have faked my own death, including the funeral, four times). And of course, my first job in an office. You know how to present yourself, the vernacular, all the faux-pas etc.

Anywise, afterwards we went out for the thraditiondle post-graduation family meal. Stigmund eat steak. Stigmund like steak a lot. Stigmund also manage to get meat sweats before even eating the meat. The sight of 14oz of dead cow barely fitting onto a plate accompanied by a jug of pepper sauce (just for me) was more than enough.

*ending sentences with prepositions? Take that, TEFL.

LINKIN’ PARK

Creep. Needs sound.

What if we were marsupials?

Sexism alive and well.

CHEESE AND FINE WHINE

I saw the slightly enjoyable Flightplan with Zoomy and Neuro Sunday. By the by, if you happen to arrive forty-five minutes late for a showing of Flightplan, don’t worry, this is all you need to know: Jodie Foster’s daughter has gone missing.

The much-coveted Worst Performance by a Cinema 2005 goes to Vue, Liffey Valley for Saturday’s display. I got to sit beside a true Dublin gent and his 5-year-old son. While the kid was fine, chatting away, just being a kid, his dad gave him a 13 Litre coke, an unsealed Calippo and an open bag of Skittles with the instructions: Now don’t spill that like you did last time! Look, you’re spillin’ it again, gimme that! and so on.

Having flung every bad-parenting prejudice I’ve ever had at the father, I was still gobsmacked when he explained the new Vodafone ad to the boy: This is abou’ enjoyin’ loyf. Enjoyin’ loyf whoyl you can. That’s why your daddy doesn’t work!

Less than 20 seconds later I had moved seven rows down to the front. Half-way through the movie five raggedy girls were dragged out laughing by security. Then, the piece de resistance: just as the plot was winding up, about 5 minutes to go, all the house lights came on. Go Vue!

Another highlight from Liffey Valley…




Tight security at Santa’s Grotto

Originally uploaded by stigmund.


For most people, the first sense to go is hearing. With this guy, it’s dignity.

THAT TIME OF YEAR AGAIN

Last night The First Church of Zoomtards gathered for an emotional celebration of another year of Zoomtard’s goodness to us. There were several highlights: for me, it was the speech given by Janovich recounting all the times Zoomy had sheltered him from his crippling meth addiction. And, of course, EW’s (pronounced ‘eeeww!’) self-penned ‘Song for Zoomy’; praising Zoomy for his gift to her all those years ago: music.

TAKING: THE NEW GIVING

Tonight is the Work Christmas Do. In a shift from traditional festivities, they have generously hired the entire Dundrum Town Centre for what promises to be an exciting night. Every employee gets 5 minutes to sprint around the centre frantically stripping what they can from the shelves, and then gets to keep their night’s stealing as a little Christmas bonus.

It was heralded at the marketing department meeting last week as being “more in touch with the zeitgeist prevalent in Dublin today”, and, according to Group management, this new ethos is vital for all employees to integrate into every aspect of their work going forward.

stigmund – Making The Most Of Then

2 Responses to “The Pus-drinking Inbreds Are Revolting”

  1. embee says:

    WHAT?!
    WHAT?!

    They’ve allowed ye to run rampage in a shopping centre stealing things?!

    The fuckers won’t let us do that in Dundalk. I shall be raising this issue posthaste with my employers.

    Also, check your emailz 🙁

  2. stigmund says:

    Yes they have. And they’ve also hired the whole Manchester United team to play a charity five-a-side tournament in the canteen next week.

    That’s cold, embee. I recommend you go straight to the top with this one.

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