Archive for January, 2006

Messages Of A Textually Explicit Nature V

Sunday, January 22nd, 2006

CURRENTLY IN MY MOBILE PHONE INBOX:

I have what I hope is your scarf.

TV3 News headline: A cinnamon bun that looks like Mother Teresa is stolen.

Sorry, thought I was interrupting.

It is OK to hang out whenever you want.

A good way to threaten somebody is to light a stick of dynamite. Then you call the guy and hold the burning fuse up to the phone. Hear that? you say. That’s dynamite, baby.

Note to self: cut meat quietly.

I look forward to reading it you scandalous and disloyal scamp.

Paris would we? Colombian are they! Well fine! Enjoy the stink of cheese and the all-permeating air of surrender!

D’oh! I have forgotten how to study.

Happy birthday Stigmund. This time three years ago we had no apartment, we were broke, freezing… I’d do anything to relive those days.

I’ll carry that advice to my grave. My watery grave. Under the sea.

Yo. Did you see my scarf?

stigmund – Wondering Where It All Went Wrong

Write On, and Turn the People On

Friday, January 20th, 2006

There are few things in this life that float my boat quite like being right. I’ve spoken before about my feelings towards the current Irish music scene. All I’ll say is that if a reviewer says an Irish artist sounds like “nothing on the current Irish music scene” I would maybe give it a go. Their Irishness alone tends to mean their CD will end up in my Amplified Acoustic Whining Nightmare section.

And one Irish artist I have unapologetically plugged here is Liam McDermott (see his politically incorrect blog in my links). This review at Oxygen.ie sums up exactly how I feel about Liam’s music, particularly in relation to the music scene here.

Recording for his new EP begins in February, culminating in a launch gig in Voodoo at the end of the month.

stigmund – Keepin’ An Eye On The World Going By His Window

Pungent Judy

Tuesday, January 17th, 2006

Others have gone on at length about the brilliance of Sufjan Stevens‘ latest album Illinois. But just in case you doubted this guy’s ability check out the lyrics of his song about Illinois’ infamous clown killer, John Wayne Gacy Junior right here.

Then read the Wikipedia write-up on Gacy and check for the accuracy of his lyrics- right down to the colours of the face paint! In my lyrical experience, it’s always been the little details of serial killers’ escapades that I struggle with the most. But to Mr. Stevens, all in a day’s work. A poignant tribute to an extremely depressing life. Let’s recap: clown, serial child killer, buried bodies under floorboards, executed in prison with execution parties outside, problem with lethal injection means 27 minutes to die and then brain removed from corpse for psychiatric tests. Oh dear.

By the way, is the innate fear of Mr. Gacy (or Pogo the Clown) and killer clowns in general a universal feature of people’s childhood? I think it’s safe to say all those born after 1972 had it. It’s a ‘survival of the fittest’ thing, I guess. Evolving with our surroundings and such: you introduce killer clowns to the equation, we will be smarter the next time round. I’m pretty sure I still haven’t conquered my clown fear. Probably for the best. If you ever think you’re over it, look at this again.

ADVICE FOR LIFE

Learn from my mistake and avoid Neil Jordan’s unwatchable Breakfast on Pluto– I saw it yesterday afternoon. Man, it both sucks and blows. I mean, I’m not one to walk out of movies but yesterday I came very close. Unbearably tedious. The only scene I can say I enjoyed was the one where the police were beating Cillian Murphy’s character, Kitten to a bloody pulp. I really wanted him to get it (so did this reviewer actually. This one comes close to how I feel about the movie too). I thought that was a pretty dumb thing for me to do until I realised it’s about as useful as empathising with a character and so let the hate flow freely. And then I thought about all the people who were going to enjoy the movie and that made me hate it more. So Cillian Murphy can do camp? So what. He’s a good actor but this was by far his worst role yet. Next!

I didn’t laugh once throughout the whole thing and people in the cinema laughed about four times *tops*. What did everyone else find so funny? When he did his affected “So serious, so serious” line for the first time? Or was it the twenty-seventh time that did it for you? A shambles.

stigmund – Opinions With A Generous Helping Of Self-righteousness

Stuck Inside These Four Walls

Sunday, January 15th, 2006

I’m back from gay Paris, I’m redundant and I honestly don’t know what all the fuss is about being unemployed. I think it gets a hell of a lot of bad press, but once you get into it, it really is quite fun: you get up when you want, you don’t shave, you wear clothes you wore the day before and you can catch up on that glut of DVDs you got for Christmas. You can also laugh at your friends and family if they’re getting stressed about work/being late for work/hating their work etc. There really isn’t a dull moment.

One negative thing I will say about redundancy/unemployment, however, is the social life. Maybe not the angle you’d expect here: the worst thing about this is being invited to things that you’ve absolutely no desire to go to and then having no excuse. Everyone knows you’re unemployed as hell and loving it, so when they see you stall at an invite they just know.

And that, my friends, is no fun. I ended up at the worst birthday party ever last Saturday night as a result. It was so dull everyone ended up just watching DVDs for cryin’ out loud! And I think the strongest substance consumed was an Aspirin for some poor sap probably just hoping it’d take her somewhere- anywhere but this party. Man, it sucked. The identity of the birthday chump shall forever remain a secret. Between myself and the three other guests that turned up. THREE!

STIGMUND’S TOP 4 SEARCH STRINGS FOR FURIOUSTHINKING

In order of preference now, not the most common, I assure you.

Straight in at Number 4: “Dressing worldview in france”. What? Who talks about that kind of stuff here? That’s the kind of nonsense you’d expect over at Babette’s, but not *here*. Dispicable. And I like it.

Number 3 is quite specific: “Genuine belgian waffle recipe research”. *Genuine* research now, not somebody faking a whole load of waffle recipe research so as to appear cool in front of colleagues at their new workplace. Zoomy, I’m guessing you’re responsible for this one… And yet, as I read through his months of his archives (as I do most nights), I discover he has never once provided a recipe, let alone some *genuine research*. Please rectify.

This month’s Number 2 depresses me a little: “In style running shoes”. There’s something very sad and rather bleak about someone Googling that phrase. In January. Worded like that: “in style”. My dear pathetic reader, I sincerely hope you found what you were looking for. Well, obviously not- they found a bunch of Christian nerds. Oh dear. I think that’s the saddest thing I’ve heard all week.

And this week’s non-mover at Number 1: “What happened to caoimheb”. Also in this series: ‘CaoimheB goes to Jail’; ‘CaoimheB loses a kidney’ and ‘Nothing Happened to CaoimheB- She’s Always Been Like That’.

To be honest, I’ve no idea what happened to the second-best green blog in Ireland. Looks like she just couldn’t handle the inferiority that must weigh down on all bl*ggers with the same colour b**g as me. Whatever it is she’s done, it should not be viewed in the office. Some people have the strangest new year’s resolutions.

HOW LOW CAN YOU GO?

The powers that be at FuriousThinking have kindly set up a ‘Now Reading’ plugin for my site, but I’m not sure if it’s lowbrow enough for me to use. I mean, it’s *reading*. Reading books! I’d be more comfortable with a ‘Now Listening’ one for the CDs or DVDs I’m consuming that week; or even a ‘Now Consuming Direct From Original Container’ plugin, where I get to link to Tesco cereals and Lidl spirits.

stigmund – Layin’ On His Back, Like A Freight Train Off A Track

Have Another Beer, That’ll Help

Thursday, January 5th, 2006

Greetings from Homosexual Paris. I am hiding out here, avoiding the inevitable. I am unemployed. No, worse: I am redundant. I came here for my friends’ New Year’s party and finished the long night off by going online and buying a new ticket for the 10th January. So, here I am, spending money I won’t be replacing any time soon and will probably need more urgently when I get back. Perfect.

But it’s all part of my new year’s resolution: spend now, think later. So far so good. I have to say, if 2006 continues anything like this it will be the best year of my life. And I’m confident it will.

*Clicks fingers at passing waiter* “Another steak, my good sir!”

stigmund – The Lowlife Living The High Life