Messages of a Textually Explicit Nature VIII

CURRENTLY IN MY MOBILE PHONE INBOX:

You are down as Rubberface Gleeson- so to get in you have to walk up and say “hello, my name is Rubberface. Rubberface Gleeson.” The rest are down as normal.

I can’t believe you put those underpants in his bag! A moment of sheer brilliance!

Thanks for thinking of me. You know I love anything involving Tasers. Especially YouTube videos.

Hungry and sweaty. You?

Ha ha ha. You made me giggle inappropriately in the middle of work at a racist slur. Victory is indeed yours.

Damn you. You’re entering a world of pain my friend. A. World. Of. Pain.

There are actually little kids called Lancelot and Sassy in my school. Thought you’d enjoy that.
Hey Stigmund. Is Spain a pain? Are you reading the writings of philosopher Tom Paine? Are you wearing clothes from Maine? Well, are you?

There’s an orange girl on the train applying make-up and explaining to her friends that it looks like a ‘fresh tan’.

I suppose you can. I hear black people can sometimes be purchased and if you bought one then you could call it what you liked? Just an idea.

Hey Shorty! Do you want to see girls with SHORT HAIR? If so call this number. Hot girls with SHORT HAIR are waiting to take your call! (Girls may not be hot)

Special bus it is! Fuck you jamaroo.

Sorry, that was meant for Rubberface. Not you. You have a lovely face. Very fleshy.

oh stigmund, you cannot tell me what’s right and wrong

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