Archive for January, 2007

My Very Own Piece of the Apple Pie

Monday, January 8th, 2007
Bring it on, 2007. You don’t fool no-one! You’re all talk; just like that 2006 schmoe. He was so full of it and look at him now. Just another dead year with Top 10 lists for a tombstone. Pathetic.

So I was in gay Paris again. It’s so great visiting all France’s wonderful capital has to offer. I visited McDonald’s, KFC, H and M, Hard Rock Cafe, Benetton, HMV and Starbuck’s (twice). Man, I love France. I even sampled some killer French humour during my stay. Here are some French jokes that only work in French. In English.

There’s a newly married couple and it’s their wedding night. They arrive in their hotel room where there is a double bed, a wardrobe, a mirror, a lit candle and a dresser. What do they do?

Answer: the candle!

Haha, brilliant. Another? Ok, ok.

Q: If Sean Connery and Aretha Franklin had a baby together what would they call it?

A: Stop your nonsense!

Ah, those Frenchies. Is there anything they can’t do.

Betamax was on about mash-ups a while ago. While old news now, The Beatles’ LOVE album (not to be confused with Westlife’s- thanks, Mom) is one sweet deal altogether. I still LOVE it. See what I did there? Eh? No? I used the name of the album in my expression of a strong sentiment of mine for the album. But I’m sure Beta needs no advice from little ol’ me. He only went and made the sweetest mix CD for an elite group of us which has tickled me no end. I’m also planning a burglary on his place soon enough to swipe any CDs I can get me hands on. And anything else that takes my fancy. He has been warned.

MR. RIGHT

I like to read (music and film) reviews. A lot. I like to find people who agree with me, who also happen to be more eloquent than me and express my views in a way I’m not sure I could. Or those who pinpoint some infuriatingly niggling aspect of a piece of media that I wouldn’t have been able to identify myself. Today I found one of those reviews: Stranger than Fiction by Defective Yeti. As with the vast majority of reviews, this should not be read until you’ve seen the movie.

Reviews or no reviews, A Good Year should be avoided at all costs. Deja Vu to a slightly lesser extent.

Christmas 2003 I started saving money old-school style: in a huge Celebrations chocolates tin. I opened it this Christmas. I haven’t finished counting but I’m currently at E1,150. Yum.

Here’s to more posts in 2007. Not blog posts now, goalposts or summat.

stigmund can’t get through, he’s wondering how you are

Messages of a Textually Explicit Nature IX

Thursday, January 4th, 2007

CURRENTLY IN MY MOBILE PHONE INBOX:

A bum on the street just told me to get my hair cut!

I was talking to your dad and he was saying he was worried you were gay and I was saying Sean, you have to love him anyway and he said no no, can’t do that. Pity.

E=MC HAMMER

The thought of you two brothers singing together warms my pants and brings a moistness to run down my leg and drip drip with every step. Please be more considerate.

Too lizzle- I’m nearly at the Grizzle. But I’ve to go pizzle and have a fizzle. Bizzle.

Sah-weet. If I was beside you and it was 1995 and we weren’t Irish and Paddy Casey wasn’t an alien then I would totally high five you right now. You go girl.

For the last time, I AM a nigger faggot!

See y’all real soon I reckon. I’ll be at the bar, the one wearing ten balloons, nothing more. P.S. Bring a pin.

Just before I left this morning I looked for my chumps and couldn’t see them anywhere, so we need some of those.

How was football? Are you tired? I heard you get that from exercise but what do I know.

Q: What do you call a hobgoblin in a wheelie bin? A: You don’t ever make direct contact with it- always inform the police and stay at least fifteen feet away.

Just sneezed while standing at sink. Whacked head real hard.

There are ten pins in my heart; you’ve knocked over eight. Won’t you please pick up that spare?

Oh my goodness I’m SO embarrassed! It’s not like you can just blame it on somebody else like a fart. I’d kill for a wind problem.

stigmund finds it so much easier to talk about what he likes