Archive for the ‘Uncategorized’ Category

And You Sleep While I Write All This Down

Wednesday, October 3rd, 2007

Now, where was I? Ah yes, Bolivia. I saw many weird and wonderfully awful things. I saw a boy throw a bag of urine out of a moving bus. And see it explode on impact. I saw a freshly dead cow’s head and hooves displayed daily at our local butcher’s (with the head scalped so you could see the brains inside). I saw myself actually getting on well with my nine housemates from Great Britain (it’s a good Britain- it’s not a great Britain). I saw, and managed to avoid, an oncoming truck beeping the crap out of the horn while I braked the frac out of my speeding bike at about 3,000 metres’ altitude descending the world’s most dangerous road. I saw communities that had no electricity, running water or roads- and proceeded to get violently ill. I saw a woman refuse to pick up her bawling four-year-old after he tripped on a step. ‘Cos that’s just the Andean way. I saw myself sitting on a toilet holding a basin in front of me praying the night would end.

YES, I KNOW THE WAY TO SAN JOSE

If I know you guys- which I don’t- you’re all dying to know the weirdest things about San Jose, Costa Rica- where I’m living now, you dolt. According to TV’s Bono, the weirdest thing about Costa Rica is that the streets have no name. Seriously. People’s addresses are like ‘400m east, 100m north of the pharmacy, house with the blue door’. People carry umbrellas all the time- to guard either from the sun or the rain- there’s always one. There is no informal use of the second person singular, which means you’re always in polite mode. Parents address their kids using the polite form; kids address their dogs using the polite form; and, presumably, those dogs use it with other dogs while they’re sniffing each other’s backsides. Plenty more to follow, I’d assume. A year is a long time, everyone’s been telling me.

WHY NOT?

If you don’t know them, you really should. Their name’s Why? And they’re an indie rock hip hop act. Please, please, please don’t think Limp Bizkit. Stop it. Please stop. Now. Their harmonies and lyrics alone disown them from whatever ‘genre’ Durst crawled out from underneath. I’ve only got Elephant Eyelash and Sanddollars, but plan to get more. You should too.

LAP IT UP

In the three minutes I was back in Dublin for, I managed to squeeze in a few movies. I will proceed to give you my unwanted opinions. Julie Delpy rewrote (the predictable but thoroughly enjoyable) Before Sunset and gave us Two Gays in Paris. The New York Post described it best as “a situation salad”. No real substance or flavour but enjoyable nonetheless. Hopes for a definite plot should be left outside. It would have been twice as good if it wasn’t a total rehash of good stuff tha’s gone before.

Atonement was overrated. And I finally agree with all those girls who loathe Kiera “one face” Knightley.

Superbad wasn’t all that superbad. Or good, even. Thoroughly enjoyed it. I LOL’ d my pants to prove it. Here in Costa Rica, they’re calling it Supercool. Either they or I have completely missed the point of the original title.

OMGIMOTTYL!!!!1111one

In even further news, MySpace’s Lauren (from Houston, Texas) is going to Costa Rica in January and we’re planning to meet. I’ve met online people in real time before, but this would be a major step in my internet socialising/dating/rohypnol-planting escapades. With a bit of luck it’ll be a drunken disgrace of a night with plenty of RANDOMNEZZZZ LOLZZZZ 4 evaaaaaaaa!!!1111one!!! a la MySpace.

stigmund – a lesson in life

Something Rottin’ in the State of Denmark

Wednesday, April 11th, 2007

I am in Copenhagen. Just to prove I’m not lying I will scream the following: [whatever this was, it didn’t survive the Big Move sorry! – ed.]! Where else would I get away with something as kerazy as that other than a Danish university library? I rest my flimsy case.

I’ve been to a fascinating little place called Christiania. While being very cool and left wing and hippyish and all of that, it does have that annoying little ‘Do What You Feel’ factor; as long as you’re going against The System, Christianians are right behind you. They’ve only been paying tax for 3 years but they’ve been happy to send their kids to Danish schools for the last 36 years. Same goes for refuse collection and water works. And the inhabitants, Christianians*, are those crusty little smelly types who tend to shuffle from place to place and never shave enough (women included) or pull up their sleeves. In addition; while they contribute next to nothing by way of taxes and all of that, they don’t even allow photos within their borders. A nice touch. This didn’t stop me taking a photo of the ‘No Photos’ sign. Watch this space.

*I hear ‘Movementarians’ every time. “All aboard! Last call for Blisstonia!”

POINTLESS INTERNET STUFF YOU ALL ALREADY KNOW ABOUT

Moving on, Maddox’ April Fool’s was chuckleworthy as usual. A little note worth noting: I’ve stopped reading Mimi Smartypants. Dunno why. Guess I just stopped caring. And is it just me or is The Onion getting better and better?

And something I know you’re all nattering about: Chelsea and United through to the semis! Wow! A 7-1 and a 90th minute winner! Hoowee! I’ll see *you* in the comment box for more!

stigmund bitter? No, he just loves to complain

Messages of a Textually Explicit Nature X

Tuesday, March 20th, 2007

CURRENTLY IN MY MOBILE PHONE INBOX:

It is a nice day. I don’t want to work. I want to walk the streets of Dublin, in a non-hooker way.

I am the man who will fight for your honour.

You are gay. And yes, I spelled u ‘you’! That’s how gay you are!

Damn those leps. Kick him.

Good ningt

You can do the things you always dreamed of: travel, go with me to the hospital, grow a beard.

Why are you awake? What’s castlebar?

OH MY GOOD LORD OF THE BIG HEAVENS! THANK YOU SO MUCH! IT’S AWESOME! IT’S JUST BRILLIANT!

Gym : (

D’da mig l’ngsamt. [that’s my best guess – ed.]

Meet you in the yard for a snowball fight?

Tonight I better hear a cover of Baby D’s ‘I Need Your Lovin” or else I’m gonna start throwing fistfuls of poo on stage from my plastic bag of faeces.

Fistfuls of poo.

stigmund‘s been flirting again